I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I won the penis lottery.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize