somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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