I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
