remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
