I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
