i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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