I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
