I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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