Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
