He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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