So drunk, too bad you don't want this
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
