He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize