Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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