Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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