I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
