3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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