Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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