Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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