Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
