Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
