I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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