I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
