she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Houston, we have a blender
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
