Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have post one night stand depression
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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