Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
