New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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