What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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