you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
