Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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