I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
