A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
