I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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