you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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