I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
