i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
