My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
