what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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