The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
