Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
