please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
