Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
