I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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