the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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