just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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