its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
