I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
