I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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