were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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