i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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