Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
