this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everything about him screamed your future.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
