Cold hands, warm shart.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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