her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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