and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
two words...techno handjob
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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