I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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