i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
