Umm I'm too high to move.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
