I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
