Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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