I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Congratulations! We have a period
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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