u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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