just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
