I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
