How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
