Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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