thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
