No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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