so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
