im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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