Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
