i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
