You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
