The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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