We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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