That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
