Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
