moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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