There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
