I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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