Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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