i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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